I see you.
I see your forced smile when someone says they’re pregnant.
I see your eyes trying to gleam in excitement for others, while you carry your burden alone through the darkest path of despair.
I see you trying so hard to fight the urge to cry every night yearning to just see 2 pink lines.
I see you upset with others. I see you I promise.
I feel your heart-wrenching sobs at night while others so “undeserving” announce they’re expecting.
I can hear your “it’s not FAIR.”
I can promise you I know.
I can promise you I feel the papercut burn and the bandaid rip everytime someone asks when you’ll have a baby or have another.
I know that sting trying to be happy for others, all the while hiding your bitter heart that just wants a tiny human to care and love.
I can promise you I know. I know the hurt.
I know what it’s like being told it wouldn’t be a good idea to have more children.
I know what it’s like to have your dreams crushed.
I know the “oh well you atleast have one healthy child” sympathy phrase that doesn’t repair your broken heart.
I know the fussing you get that you should be thankful for what you have and get over it. You don’t get over that hurt. I know.
I know the hurt of having it all taken away.
I also know the peace that finally comes with time. I know the feeling of being able to actually breathe. I know the feeling of actually being happy for others having their own babies. I know the feeling of not being alone anymore. I know the joy and calm that comes after the storm and sadness.
I know having a baby after you originally weren’t supposed to.
I know being afraid, but I also know being brave in order to take care of your family.
I know love.
I know thankfulness.
I know life.
I know I’ll pray you find it one day too.