Things You Can’t Make Up

Kids say and do the darnedest things at any age.

Literally.

There are things you just can’t make up. Like the things your students say.

The things they do.

The things you have to say to your students.

The conversations they have.

If you’re in education you also understand this.

You understand some things are not always in your control, and some things are so unpredictable that you just can’t make these things up.

My mother and my father-in-law have told such stories that you just can’t make up.

And now I have those stories.

So with those stories come some of the things I never thought I’d have to say.

{For example}

I teach high school.

I’ve taught high school for 3 years now.

I teach mostly 17-18 year olds….

There are things you think you won’t have to say teaching “older children.”

Some think they generally have their lives together, they make decent decisions on their actions, etc.

{wrongo}

No. There are things you think you won’t have to say because it’s generally common sense, but you have to say them.

{nope}

You know they are still just kids, but still…you think you don’t have to say the things kindergarten teachers say.

{And on the inside you are dying laughing as you keep a straight face as you say them…or as you listen in on conversations}

And here are a list of them…

  1. Get those pencils out of your nose/mouth. You are not a walrus.
  2. Do not put your gum on the table.
  3. Do not put your gum on the wall.
  4. Do not put your gum on the pencil.
  5. You are in my bubble–back up.
  6. Don’t lick that.
  7. Get that pen out of your ear.
  8. Make sure you wash your hands.
  9. Why is your paper sticky/wet?
  10. Don’t wipe your Cheeto dust on your paper anymore.
  11. Stop playing with the glue.
  12. Don’t draw on your hands with the markers.
  13. Stop playing with the scissors.
  14. DO NOT RUN WITH THE SCISSORS.
  15. Do not throw the scissors.
  16. Don’t clip your nails with the scissors. That’s gross.
  17. Fart jokes are not funny.
  18. Do not cut your hair with the scissors.
  19. We don’t paint/color/write on anything but paper.
  20. Don’t put glue on your mouth. It is not chapstick.
  21. Get that tape off your nose or you’ll look like a pig permanently.
  22. Why are you trying to write left handed? You’re right handed.
  23. Stop sticking things in your ears.
  24. Quit connecting all the paper clips in the bowl.
  25. No you can not wear the paper clips as a bracelet. Put them up.
  26. No you can not take your shoes off.
  27. The stapler is not a musical instrument.
  28. The magic marker is not eyeliner.
  29. Yes you have to write your real name on your paper.
  30. Stop chewing on the hot glue stick.

And my favorites…

31. Why is there a turtle on your desk?

32. Bible verses are not the answers to the semester exam. Try again.

33. No, your insurance policy does not pay your speeding ticket.

34. No, brown cows do not make brown milk.

35. Stop leaving Harry Potter spells typed in the calculators.

36. Stop daring each other to eat the dirt in the potted plants.

37. Your horoscope was wrong, you are taking a test today.

38. No I am not naming my baby Aladdin if it’s a boy.

39. No you were not stung by a bee, that was {insert name}’s ballpoint pen touching your head.

Just lots of blank stares…

The things I never thought I’d say… or things I’d hear… in my 3 years thus far.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s