Back-to-School

No I’m not fixing to talk about the joys and excitement of back to school…

{BUT}

I am going to talk about the “highlight” of our back-to-school shopping trip…

{BECAUSE}

There are certain things in life you can’t unsee, unfeel, unhear, etc…

Yesterday, we saw something {and I felt something} that I will probably never unsee…

In my lifetime, I never planned to be in the situation or remotely close to one that we were in yesterday.

{AND}

Certainly. Not. In. Target…

I will not unsee or unfeel the fear and the feeling of my lunch creeping back up my throat as my stomach {and jaw} dropped to the floor.

I have never in my life…

Been in the presence of an animal that put fear into my soul.

I have been chased by a cow, been bitten by a dog, chased by a goose, been clawed by cats, held fish, been within feet of skunks and other “wild” critters, and it didn’t phase me or make me truely afraid.

This on the other hand was a first…

And I almost lost my lunch on the self-checkout of the Target when I realized what was not 5 feet from me.

{NOW}

“Charlotte” and I were rounding the corner of the juniors’ clothing as she begins…

“Snake. Snake. Snake. Hannah….Snake.”

Hannah’s over here turning her head every which way, looking at my feet, looking at the ground, looking in the displays…

{I almost wish that’s what it had been}

“Huh?”

Charlotte continues with, “Just keep going. Go.”

I’m still looking everywhere and we get in front of the checkout and it’s like the air was sucked out of the entire Target like the dementors in Harry Potter…

As I’m reaching to start scanning things…

In comes a group of people…

with a man…

with what appears to be an 8 ft. python

{10…who knows. I wasn’t fixing to go measure it by any means. Just a guess. Either way— large snake. Larger than anything naturally found in a Target for sure.}

or some sort of “pet” snake….

WRAPPED AROUND HIS BODY

AROUND HIS NECK

AND DOWN HIS ARM

WITH IT’S HEAD HELD UP FOR ALL TO SEE…

WITH IT’S CREEPY LITTLE TONGUE FLICKING THE AIR…

No. Says. I.

I about lost it. I couldn’t get words out. I couldn’t unsee the thing looking every which way.

Did he get to stay in Target? No.

Did it take me almost 10-15 minutes to check out and fully grasp what we had all just seen? Yes.

It took almost 3 hours for me to realize I was 5 ft. or so away from a snake that looked like it should be in the jungle, or used to make a purse or boots.

What logic says… “I think it would be fun to bring my ‘pet’ into Target today and scare about 200 people.”

None. It doesn’t. Not one single way you twist it.

So the moral of the story…

  1. Don’t take your pet snake into Target. They only allow service animals such as dogs.
  2. Don’t think it funny to put rubber snakes close to me…bad things will happen one way or another.
  3. Don’t get kicked out of Target. That’s a bad idea in all forms.

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